Translation of title: Evil Empire Comedy? What the fuck? Where you been? I miss you! I want more funny in my life!

Seriously, it has been a while. I am not sure who you all are who are checking the website, but if you are looking I will try to provide some content. You may be asking yourself, "What happened to the greatest comedy making engine in the Continental US?" The answer is a crapton. People are getting married, people are getting masters degrees, others are living and producing funny in other venues. Steps are being taken to inject the empire with some fresh blood and ideas, so stay tuned cause I got a fever, and the only prescription is Evil Empire Comedy.

Do you see it????? There is an alien imprisoned/etched into my wardrobe! See him in the picture below? I have had this wardrobe for 10 years and I have never noticed its terrifying stowaway! In the picture below you can see him hiding in the wood. There are clearly 2 eyes and an ear to the left of the eyes. You can also see the nose and possibly mouth holes. Above the head the antennae are visible and also what could quite possibly be tentacles. I will submit these images here then I will send them to the proper authorities.

 

 

Here is a close up so you can see the alien a little more closely. 

 

 

To make it even more clear to you nay sayers out there here is the outline i did to more clearly define the alien.

 

 

Terrifying no?  Here is an even more detailed image of the imprisonment.

 

 

HOLY CRAP!!!!! Now it looks like a still from the movie Aliens Vrs Predator: Requiem!!! Oh the humanity! I will investigate further.

 

It was worse than I feared. My life is likely in danger. The aliens are clearly after me and want to take me to the mothership to probe my anus. To all my beloved friends, I will miss you. and I ask that you remain vigilant in watching your closets, dressers, and wardrobes for signs of extra terrestrial life. View the final image below if you dare.

 

 

 

Apparently Remond Nelson. Is no longer interested I'm our silly shenanigans. he has stopped responding to me. Hopefully he got arrested or hit by a bus or something. Either way this will end the joy that is Remond Nelson and getting his 25 million dollars. Oh well I guess it was to good to be true. Remond, wherever you are I hope your cancer is well. 

Last Night I received a response from our favorite millionaire cancer victim Remond Nelson! Below you will find the newest letter from Remond. If you are new to this legacy, I will fill you in. I (Evil Empire Comedy) received a letter in my spam box. It turns out Remond is dieing and does not trust anyone but me to invest his 25 million dollars! I responded to him that I would. (look for previous posts about remonds original letter and my response to it.

Dear  Beloved  Friend,

Thanks for your mail and your concern.. In my last mail to you I introduced myself and gave you a summary of the present predicament I have found myself and how I lived my life(financial-wise).My failing health has necessitated my present over view of life and the meaning of life itself as it relates to day-to-day living. Even surgery which is a last resort has been done but the disease has already spread into most parts of my body.
I hope my first mail did not embarrass you? if it did, I apologize for this. The fund in questions is privately kept and I wanted to put it in capable hands for disbursement. Other such funds that I left to my relatives to disburse to charity were all plundered and used for their personal purposes.
For this reason I have decided that within the confines of my hospital room and the privacy of my computer (to which I have limited use of the internet connection) to look for a suitable person to transfer ownership of the deposit to, and after claiming the money, disburse 80% of the $25.5 million dollars to various charitable organizations of your choice in various countries and then retain 20% of the money for your effort. the $25.5 million dollars is deposited in the security vault of a private finance/security company in Europe.
This is not a business proposal and I do not expect any returns or share of the money. I am dying and I have distributed most of my earthly possessions to various individuals, groups and organizations. This deposit of $25.5 million dollars is the bulk of what is left. It is unknown to my other relatives. If I do not find a suitable person to disburse the funds as I plan to, then on my death the finance/security company holding the deposit would have to notify my next of kin to claim the deposit as stipulated on the deposit agreement. And from what I have seen of how they spent the other funds I designated for the same purpose, leaving the fund in their care would be a colossal waste of all I have worked and lived for.
If you would be able to help me fulfill this last living request, I would need you to get back to me on the following issues, after reading and understanding this few lines.
1. That you are in a position to be trusted with such a large amount of fund, and that you have a heart for charity and thus would not have any problems locating the right charity and human aid groups to disburse the fund to. It would be nice to know what charities you have in mind to donate the money to and that there are reputable charitable organizations that would use it for the right cause..

2. That you are willing to contact the security company holding the deposit to discuss the terms of releasing the funds to you.

3. That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are ready to proceed under these terms.
Please send your full contact details as I requested in my first mail. I will need you to send me your direct tel/fax number and your full postal address so I can send it to the security firm so they can get in touch with you immediately.

I await further communication.
Best regards,
Remond Nelson


It is funny... This seems to be written by a different person! I also found it odd that he repeated everything he wrote in the original email, but he does have cancer and that is likely to affect his memory. I will reply back to remond just as soon as I get the chance. maybe later tonight! Check back soon for the on going scoop!

Peace.
Truth.
Comedy.
Evil Empire Comedy.

As promised, here is the reply I sent to Remond. I agreed to set up his foundition, but asked for his picture! I hope he sends somthing crazy. Read on and enjoy the ongoing escapades of Remond Nelson.

Hello Mr. Nelson,

I would like to start by saying you have nothing to apologize to me about. It is not I who is embarrassed but you, good sir. The humility you must be feeling having to reach out to a stranger must be immense. My heart goes out to you that you must suffer this horrible disease called cancer with out the loving support of your family, and in fact under the abandonment of your family. I want to tell you I would be honored to help you in your final request to start a foundation in the honored name of Remond Nelson. 

I must tell you that while helping you, this also comes at a difficult time in my life. I am sure you have heard of the economic crisis my country is facing and I have been hurt badly by the real estate slump and the surging gas prices. I have been forced to move my family of 12 into a small apartment better suited to a family of 4. Furthermore I have been forced to ride a bike rather than drive my Hummer because of the outrageous gas prices. I assure you Mr. Nelson it is I who will be grateful to you once I have the money to support my family and drive my Hummer. 

I would like very much to have a picture of you to put on the information of the foundation I am already planning to make. Additionally I am in the business of motion pictures. I see in your story an image that the American people will be drawn to. I have started drafting an epic that will share the horrors of what you have faced with the world to ensure no one has to live the troubles you have. 

Thank you for reaching out to me as this will change both our lives, yours

Choncie Frofrenheimer

Peace. Truth. Comedy.
OGRE

I've got an issue with our scam friend below. I mean, aside from the obvious thing that we all will shun him for (his love of the drink, clearly). I have an issue with his "compliments of the day to you and your family". This is not necessarily a good thing. What is the compliment of the day? How do I know you're not praising my "awesome donkey feet" or my "fantastic facial gorge"? I don't know where you're from, so I don't know what a compliment counts for there. I feel left out, and dear readers, I know you do too. Therefore, I've decided to post a compliment of the day so you too can give your friends and their family the compliments of the day.

Today's compliment:

Your large features are a welcome distraction to your extremely pronounced limp!

Now go! Compliment your friends. They will love you for it and definitely not talk crap about you behind your back!

17:29:04 Holy Crap!  Big news people! Today (I checked my spam folder today, so I say it arrived today) I got an email from Simon Yi, actually the letter is signed Remond Nelson.  Either way this is a big deal! If you look aside from the poor punctuation and random capitalization, this is a compelling argument. Poor Remond was a millionaire, then got a disease called cancer, and was lustful towards women!! Now Remond has lost all of his money due to crooked family members, but he has Twenty Five million Five Hundred thousand us dollars ($25.5Million) (Remonds capitalization not mine) and he wants me (Evil Empire Comedy) to set him up a foundation under his name. It appears he doesn’t care what the foundation is for, but he will give me (Evil Empire Comedy) "a handsome percentage of the money and also a place in heaven" Wow sounds like a fund raiser to me! I have responded to Remond and hopefully we will hear soon about how he can be remembered forever, by way of the foundation we (Evil Empire Comedy) set up for him. I will let you all know how it goes with Remond! I will also post my response eventually so you can follow this huge opportunity! Below you will find Remond/Simon's letter to me. If you would also like to email condolences to Remond about his cancer, feel free his email is "Simon.yi33@gmail.com". Ill keep you posted.

___________________________________________________________

from <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->SIMON YI <simon.yiI33@gmail.com> reply-to <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->simon.yi33@gmail.com <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]--> to <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->undisclosed-recipients <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--> <!--[endif]--> date <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->Wed, Sep 3, 2008 at 9:09 AM subject <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE

hide details Sep 3 (12 days ago)

Greetings

Compliments of the day to you and your family. I am very sorry to embarrass you with this email as I did not mean to intrude in your privacy if not for thepeculiar situation I have found myself. I have contacted you because I believe you have what it takes to carry out the request I seek of you. I am currently suffering from a terminal disease called Cancer and my doctors have informed me that I have a few months to live and I want to try and do something special with my life now that the end is near. Before I was diagnosed with the disease I was a very successful businessman who made a lot of money but also lived a very rough life filled with too much lust for women and more money.

In the course of my illness my family members have bled me dry of nearly all my possessions and abandoned me to my fate. I presently have no friend or family as I am all alone in this hospital.Luckily I have some money totaling Twenty Five million Five Hundred thousand us dollars($25.5Million) that I had stashed away in a finance facility somewhere in Europe and I would be willing to donate all of it to charity. All I want is for a foundation to beset up in my name so I would always be remembered for my good deeds in lifeafter I pass on. If you are willing to assist you would get a handsome percentage of the money and also a place in heaven as God would abundantly reward you.

Please get back to me ASAP so I can give you more details.

Thanks and God bless you

Remond Nelson

___________________________________________________________

 PS While I am following this as if it were real, IT IS NOT!!! It is what is called a 409 scam, eventually Remond will ask for my bank account number. Do not under any circumstances EVER give out bank numbers, credit card numbers, or any personal information to anyone in an email. EVER!!! Seriously no one from a bank or your email host will ever ask for any personal info over an email. On the other hand these people are tremendously fun to fuck with, so let the games begin!!!

After doing a little research, This is a 419 scam not a 409 scam, I humbily aopligize to any of the Ford 409 enthusiest out there.

You may have noticed the new commercials brought to us by the American Corn Growers Associations. The purpose of these commercials is to inform the American people of the benefits of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) wait no, not the benefits, but rather to debunk the bad stuff those bastards at the sugar factory have been saying about HFCS. All these commercials go the same way. A friendly person trys to share (Sharing? Fuck Ya! I love sharing) their product containing HFCS. The other person apparently informed about the danger of HFCS refuses, but cannot explain why. The share-er (person who shares) Breaks the awkward silence. They point out that there is nothing wrong with HFCS. Only that it is made from corn, is all natural, and like sugar is fine in moderation.I have a serious issue with this. One of the commercials features a couple in the park enjoying a picnic. The pretty lady pulls out a Popsicle and offers a bite to the fellow. He declines because of the high content of HFCS. The Lady explains the lies of the sugar industry and the gentleman points out that the woman should have brought two Popsicles, and we all giggle at his little joke. All I have to say is WHO THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE? YOU DON'T BRING FUCKING POPSICLES TO A FUCKING PICNIC! THEY WOULD MELT AND THE STICKY CORN SRYUP SHIT WHOULD GET ALL OVER THE FUCKING PICNIC BASKET. FUCKING AMATURES! 

That is it bitches! Summer time is over and it is time for EEC to rock your socks off. Keep tuned for dates of upcoming shows and workshops.

Without Good there is no Evil.

Without God there is no Satan.

Without PC there is no Mac. 

Every great empire is made greater by the threatening presence of a powerful rival.

Thus arrives the threateningly family friendly organization NARC.

 

 

Are you against reckless comedy?  Are you a member of a 'hood? Join NARC! It only costs you one hundred American dollars! What do you get for this 100 dollar donation? Well you get a NARC shirt (pictured above) you will get your name on the list of Donating Devils on the NARC page. You may be asking "were is my money is going?" Your money will go to funding future endeavours in an attempt to end unfunniness state wide!!

 

Don't want to (cant afford to) donate $100?  

Donate 50 and be a Stingy Succubus!

Donate 25 and be a  Hard-fisted Fiend!

Donate 10 and be a Cheap-ass Imp!

 

Want to donate more? Give us an Email and you can create your own designation! 

 

Peace. Truth. Comedy.